From:  Linda L. Zern CEO, President & Chairman of the Board (LinWood House Publishing)

To:  Dianne, Dinah, Debbie, Alan, Amanda, Amanda, Amy, Aric, Becky . . . okay, so you know who you are . . .

RE: The Termination of the IT staff!!!!

It is with a great deal of consternation that I would like to inform you of the termination of the entire Information Technologies staff (i. e. Sherwood Zern) from LinWood House Publishing due to a three year delay in the constructing and implementation of the company website. So that there be no confusion I am including the following transcript of the actual firing.

    “Honey,” I said, as I looked at my dear husband of twenty-eight years straight in the eye, “I’m firing you.”

    “What? Why? When did this happen?”

    “Because it’s been three years since you promised to help me with my little, bitty, nothing, ‘I can build that with my hands sewn together’ website.  Do you realize that every terrorist on Earth has a website? Paris Hilton has a website. I think that the DOT workers who hold the STOP/SLOW signs have a website.”

    He didn’t really seem surprised by my tirade.  But out of habit he protested.  “But I make websites for a living.”

    “It’s been three years.”

    “But I travel the world helping huge companies build websites.”

    “It’s been three years.”

    “Last year I spent 280 days in a Marriott helping companies build their websites.”

    I spoke slowly and distinctly, “It . . . has . . . been . . . three . . . years!!”

    “Well if you didn’t distract me with building fences and mucking about with mulch when I come home . . .” he pouted.

    “Honey, you are so fired.”

    “Hey babe, you want to . . . hubba, hubba, hubba?”

    Through tight lips I said, “You’re still fired.  Don’t make me sue you.”

    “But what are you going to do about a website? You really do need one what with your new book and all.”

    Smiling, I said,  “Actually Sarah (Adam’s girlfriend) put me on to a website, ironically enough, that is like a website for making websites—for dummies. I made my own.”

    His eyes glazed over and then he fainted.  But, trust me, he was still fired.

    Please find below my website information.  I feel like my toddler grandchildren when they say, “I did it myself.”

        WEBSITES!  THEY’RE NOT JUST FOR TERRORISTS ANY MORE!!   Announcing -

Zippityzerns.com the home of LinWood House Publishing and the virtual office of Linda L. Zern

You’ll be able to find a collection of my weekly essays (The Soapbox), news and information to help you positively identify Zerns on “the lamb” (The News), see actual Zerns in their natural habitats (One Good Zern), find information on how to locate, procure, obtain, acquire, or get your hands on my latest book (see LinWood House Publishing & The Bookstore), and in addition I’m hoping to begin a newsletter (All things Zippity or something like that) with interesting articles with titles like You Can’t Fight the Devil Naked.

Seriously come on by and visit and don’t mind the dust I’m still working things out.
Sincerely,
Linda (Master of the World Wide Web) Zern
The Management