The Americanus Computer Engineerus (common name: Key Banger or Computer Guy) is a shy creature given to a solitary existence foraging among plastic fichus trees, behind rickety temporary walls constructed of mud and palm fronds called cubicles. Key Bangers often decorate their mud and palm frond constructions with family photos, free posters, and calendars depicting attractive computer components. Face to face communication is unusual among Key Bangers.
One fine day under the strange pulsating rays of the florescent bulbs preferred by the Eastern Key Banger, my research associate and I observed a rare one on one Key Banger exchange.
“Well, I’m going to lunch.” A juvenile Key Banger attempted to address a more senior Key Banger.
An awkward pause, of approximately three minutes passed while the Key Bangers avoided eye contact. My research associate and I exchanged strained looks.
The senior Key Banger scratched the back of his neck while sitting in stony silence.
“Are they communicating?”
“Yes, but it’s very subtle,” I assured my associate.
“How can you tell?” he inquired.
“Because I feel itchy and wildly uncomfortable.”
At long last, the senior Key Banger said, “Well, have a good lunch.”
I scribbled a few notes into a spiral ring notebook and double underlined the words “confirm the existence of Key Banger Hubs.” The lowland natives of fichus tree land related to me that they had observed the curious phenomenon of large gatherings of Americanus Computer Engineerus gathering in hubs. They described these hubs as a gaggle of computer consultants (i.e. Key Bangers) congregating at “conferences,” huddled in corners, sitting in bean bag chairs, banging at keys. The natives assured me that it is possible to observe these gatherings only if one is careful to stay downwind so as not to spook the hub. I am determined to observe a hub, first hand.
It turns out that I am married to an Americanus Computer Engineerus. My husband, a first rate example of a Key Banger, migrates weekly, and then returns to our nest to tape receipts to notebook paper. He’s really good at it. The receipts are really flat and smooth when he gets done. I always tell him how nice they look.
He also likes to read a book with a prancing horse on the cover called “Jakarta Struts” and another book with a coffee cup on the cover. The coffee cup book is about “Java Beans.” I tell the grand children that their Poppy is in the circus, and that he’s a bareback trick rider. They love to hear stories about how Poppy can balance a coffee cup on his head while his horse, Jakarta, prances around the ring.
My research continues.
We have been married thirty-one years in October and I feel confident that any day now, I will master the Key Banger language called Acronym, which is an ancient form of Sumerian—ASAP, PDQ, HTTP.
Jane Goodall set the standard for fieldwork while peeking at chimpanzees. When she had a baby boy she named him Grub. Jane Goodall is my hero for helping me understand that it is possible to understand those different than ourselves if we are observant, patient, and willing to name our children names like Grub.
Linda (Grubbing for Answers) Zern
